Tomorrow, I return to school for the first time in 1.5 years. I feel excited and nervous at the same time.
On the bright one side, it’s a second chance for me to do things correctly this time so that when I graduate, I won’t struggle as hard to find something that resembles a career. My Bachelor of Arts isn’t a complete waste since it’s a post-graduate program and it’s only one year. I have the opportunity to attend a new school, learn something new, and meet new people, all of which are a blessing.
On the other side, it makes me feel like a failure. The fact that I’m going back to school makes me feel like a failure for not getting it right the first time. I mean, I already did this whole school thing once and that didn’t exactly take me anywhere, so what makes me think it’ll work out this time? Sure, this time I considered the economy and the job market, but there no guarantees in life. It’s also been so long since I’ve done anything productive in my life. Am I still even capable of achieving good grades?
I know I haven’t been out of school for that long compared to older, mature students, but I still feel out of place. When I was in university, there weren’t any people I respected more than mature students. They always worked hard, chose their study out of interest, and had the guts to enter a room of students half their age. That’s admirable. I’ll probably spend the majority of my life trying to be half as brave as that.
My new focus in school is Human Resources because it’s a good field in terms of pay and job opportunities. I can’t say I dreamed about working in HR, but at least I won’t hate it. It’s starting to sound like I’m becoming more realistic, and I’m not even sure if that’s a good thing or bad thing. I’m used to being a dreamer. I don’t feel like myself when I’m not living in the clouds.
I do have a plan to pursue my writing dreams. Human Resources is temporary…. I hope.
If this school experience is anything like my past ones, I’ll love it. I’ll also fall super hard for a girl and reconsider my whole life even though I didn’t win her heart. I can’t say it’s a good thing, but I guess it makes for interesting writing?
And my new journey begins.
PLIGC, Society’s Used Condom
P.S. Happy new year to anyone who made it this far! I made new year’s resolutions this year, and one of them included writing more on this blog. Stay tuned. I have to keep the writing dream alive somehow.