Life as a Grownup

For the last week and a half, I’ve crossed the line from an immature student to an adult. I wake up at 6:00 am for an unpaid internship (or slave labour as the dramatics would call it), wear a suit and tie, and spend my day working 9-5. I’m tired after work so I can only do brainless stuff like watch TV or play video games because they’re relaxing and don’t require any thinking. I have to sleep when normal people sleep and have a life that resembles somewhat of a schedule, so that means no more late night writing when I’m most creative.

The optimist in me says that I’ll adjust to become a more productive person when I become more used to this lifestyle. The pessimist in me says that I’ll be one of those many miserable people I see on the bus every day who seem unhappy and feel cheated by life. I’m not sure which will prevail, but deep down, I never dreamed of this 9-5 life. But as I take part of this life right now, it makes me wonder whether I’ll ever get out of it and if this was all I was meant to be.

Is This the End?

As much as I want to say it’s not true, I’ve been contemplating my future as a writer. I’m an overthinker so I naturally overanalyze everything, but more and more it feels like my writing dreams are coming to a close. It’s happened a few times and I’ve always come back, but it feels a bit different this time. I’m not sure why – maybe it’s because I’m getting older, or the fact that I’m in a “grownup” environment now where most people aren’t living their dreams, or the lack of success I’ve had writing thus far, or maybe I just don’t believe in who I am anymore. Whatever it is, it has me thinking about my writing dreams and everything I’ve done wrong as a blogger (which is a lot since I know I don’t follow most blogging rules!). But as with every positive and negative experience, I learned something – to appreciate those who have a ridiculously hectic schedule yet still have the time and energy to blog.

The Do It All Bloggers

It’s hard enough to blog every day. That’s an impressive feat on its own. It’s even harder when someone has a full-time job and posts every day. That doesn’t even include the other responsibilities in life like cooking, cleaning, taking care of parents/kids, and school. These are the people that deserve followers, along with those that give up their careers to blog. They’re the true inspirations of hard work, dedication, and passion.

I’m lucky because I don’t really have responsibilities other than my unpaid internship, and yet, I still find it hard to blog every day. I feel blessed for the followers I have, but I don’t deserve them. (That doesn’t mean I’m not happy to have them around!). I know it sounds contradictory when I just had a post saying I thought I deserved more success, but not like those that post every day and still find the time to take care of themselves and others. That’s an amazing accomplishment, despite what the number of followers or blog views may say.

I’m not sure if this is the end of my blog as I’m never really sure about anything, and I don’t know if I’ll adjust to this new lifestyle. But I’d consider myself a success if I could be half as good as the do it all bloggers.

Yours truly,


You Probably Don’t Deserve Better

People throw around the phrase “you deserve better” so much that everyone apparently deserves better now. While it’s a nice thing to say, it’s probably not true or even effective anymore since it gets used so often. If everyone deserves better, then the world must be an awful place (which is definitely arguable) since no one is being treated fairly. I doubt that it’s true; I just think people feel entitled to more which is why older generations call us “the entitled generation.” Well, if we keep telling ourselves we deserve better, we’re all going to think we actually do when we really don’t. It’s as people seem to take this as a commonly accepted truth nowadays.

My First Day of University

It was the first Wednesday way back in September 2009. In my first-year sociology class (my major and one of my passions), my professor told us: “Based on statistics, over 90% of you are here because of how much money your parents make.” He described to us how our lives looked financially and the characteristics surrounding middle- and upper-class families. Then, he told us: “While most of you think it was due to your hard work, that’s really only a small factor. How much your parents make instilled certain beliefs and values in you and most of you wouldn’t be here if they didn’t.” Continue reading

You’re a Writer, Not an Aspiring Writer

About 10 months ago, when I worked in a café, I had a conversation with one of the customers that stopped by. It reminded me of this prompt by the Daily Post, which asks us if we could remove one word that people use, what would it be? I personally don’t have an answer to that question, but the random customer named “Kat” did. She hated the word “aspiring.” (I wonder how much she would’ve reacted to my previous post where I called myself “a wannabe writer” because that’s even worse, haha.) Our conversation went a little something like this.

Meeting Kat

The café is dead because it’s new and it specializes in offering gelato, which no one wants in November since it’s cold in Canada. She enters the café, orders tea for her and her friends who wait in the car parked out front, and asks to use the restroom. I direct her to the restroom and grab her order. She returns to pay for the teas. I ask her if she wants to try our gelato because we’re known for it, and she tells me she’s sick so she’d rather not. We get into a conversation about the café and how the business is. Continue reading

I Just Want to Be Somebody

I’m not like most people of my generation. I’m not sure whether that’s a good or bad thing, but I’m different and it’s like I don’t fit in anywhere. I don’t believe chivalry is dead and I think women should be treated well. The number of women I sleep with shouldn’t hold me at a higher value than others and it’s not something I’d want to brag about even if my kill count was high. I believe in helping others and that the world could be a beautiful place. In my opinion, money isn’t the most important thing in the world and life shouldn’t be about the things we own or the amount of likes we get on Facebook, Instragram, and the next popular social media thing that comes along.

It feels like I’ll never have a place in this world, and it’s this feeling that makes me want to be somebody. I hate to admit this, but because I’m different from others, I sometimes feel like a loser. It’s like, why am I spending weekends alone when I could be trying to get laid with any decent-looking girl? Or why don’t I have a million Facebook friends or Instragram followers as others?

Continue reading

When I Get My First Paycheque

I’m about to start my 4-month unpaid internship for school. I had dreams of a paid internship. I thought about what it’d feel like to work full-time since I’ve never worked 40 hours a week before. I thought about how I’d find a way to schedule my life so I could still blog. I thought what it’d feel like to earn my first (hopefully) big paycheque and I thought about what I’d do with it. That was all a dream that will have to wait a little while longer.

I like asking people what they’d do with their first paycheque because it’s usually the one where they spoil themselves (a lot?) more than they normally would. I also like answering my own questions that I think are good, and I’d tell people about my plans with my first paycheque. So, what would I do?

First Paycheque Plans

Well, I’d split my paycheque in half (not literally). My first half of the money would be put into a savings account. The goal is to save enough money so I can invest into something that makes me money. That’s part of the dream – invest to bring in money so I can feel less pressured about making money and future me can spend time writing. It’s part of the 7-year plan.

With the second half, I’d spend it doing nice deeds for friends and random people. Continue reading

Alone in a Crowded Room

I always heard the phrase “sometimes you feel most alone in a crowded room” but never really understood what it meant. I mean, how could it be lonelier than spending time isolated from the rest of the world? I had spent a good portion of my life alone and I hated it because it made me feel left out while everyone else was doing something.

When I first graduated high school, I’d visit it quite often after school because I have attachment issues and because I still had ties there. Once, I visited one of my high school teachers because she was pretty much my mentor. She was running late, so I went to visit another teacher who happened to be there to create the yearbook club. We chatted about life and school as we waited for students to enter his class and join the club.

A group of friends (they were all girls because females are the superior gender, in my humble [and likely correct] opinion) came in and all signed up. I mentioned how that it was great to have a group of friends because it ensured that the club would have enough people. They’d have fun working together and convince their other friends to join.

My old high school teacher said: “Yeah, it’s great to have a group of friends. But I hope it doesn’t limit the club just to their group of friends. You know the saying ‘sometimes you feel most alone in a crowded room?’ It could be really intimidating for shy people who see that everyone else has friends and they don’t, so even though they really want to be a part of the club, they walk away. It’s my job to find those people before they get away.”

He was right. From that day, I learned what it meant to be alone in a crowded room. And I find myself feeling that more and more often.

Continue reading

This or That: Fate vs. Free Will

Do you believe in fate or do you believe you can control your own destiny? It’s an interesting question and the prompt for yesterday from the Daily Post. As someone who has spent the last few years studying people and social groups, I learned a few things about what people believe in that help determine which side you’d fall on.

It Depends on Culture

In the land of snow, maple syrup, polar bears, poutine, and ice hockey, we’re raised to believe in free will. We have complete control over where we’re heading in life based on the decisions we make and the actions we take. It’s considered the Western world view. On the other hand, the Eastern world view believes in fate. They believe that it’s set out for them and they have no control over their destiny.

These are the 2 extremes and there is probably a middle ground somewhere. But if I had to pick one, I’d be going against the whole culture argument.

Fate Over Free Will

I can’t say I totally believe in fate. I don’t believe in soulmates, nor do I think I have a specific purpose on this earth. I sort of just figure things out as I go along in life and try to look at the positives. But I see the benefits of believing in fate, whereas free will can be more disheartening.

I’ll use myself as an example. I dream of becoming a creative writer, which isn’t the most practical or easiest profession to pursue. By believing in fate, I work towards it because it’s my destiny and it’s what I need in order to be happy. When things get rough, I may question my fate or continue to follow my dreams because it’s my destiny.

Now, let’s say I believe in free will. I work towards being a writer because it’s up to me to get my destiny and make myself happy. When things get rough, I question my decisions and who I am as a person or my lack of success motivates me to work harder.

The major difference is that when someone questions fate, they’re not questioning themselves as a person, but what they believe in, which I believe is far less damaging. Continue reading