For the last week and a half, I’ve crossed the line from an immature student to an adult. I wake up at 6:00 am for an unpaid internship (or slave labour as the dramatics would call it), wear a suit and tie, and spend my day working 9-5. I’m tired after work so I can only do brainless stuff like watch TV or play video games because they’re relaxing and don’t require any thinking. I have to sleep when normal people sleep and have a life that resembles somewhat of a schedule, so that means no more late night writing when I’m most creative.
The optimist in me says that I’ll adjust to become a more productive person when I become more used to this lifestyle. The pessimist in me says that I’ll be one of those many miserable people I see on the bus every day who seem unhappy and feel cheated by life. I’m not sure which will prevail, but deep down, I never dreamed of this 9-5 life. But as I take part of this life right now, it makes me wonder whether I’ll ever get out of it and if this was all I was meant to be.
Is This the End?
As much as I want to say it’s not true, I’ve been contemplating my future as a writer. I’m an overthinker so I naturally overanalyze everything, but more and more it feels like my writing dreams are coming to a close. It’s happened a few times and I’ve always come back, but it feels a bit different this time. I’m not sure why – maybe it’s because I’m getting older, or the fact that I’m in a “grownup” environment now where most people aren’t living their dreams, or the lack of success I’ve had writing thus far, or maybe I just don’t believe in who I am anymore. Whatever it is, it has me thinking about my writing dreams and everything I’ve done wrong as a blogger (which is a lot since I know I don’t follow most blogging rules!). But as with every positive and negative experience, I learned something – to appreciate those who have a ridiculously hectic schedule yet still have the time and energy to blog.
The Do It All Bloggers
It’s hard enough to blog every day. That’s an impressive feat on its own. It’s even harder when someone has a full-time job and posts every day. That doesn’t even include the other responsibilities in life like cooking, cleaning, taking care of parents/kids, and school. These are the people that deserve followers, along with those that give up their careers to blog. They’re the true inspirations of hard work, dedication, and passion.
I’m lucky because I don’t really have responsibilities other than my unpaid internship, and yet, I still find it hard to blog every day. I feel blessed for the followers I have, but I don’t deserve them. (That doesn’t mean I’m not happy to have them around!). I know it sounds contradictory when I just had a post saying I thought I deserved more success, but not like those that post every day and still find the time to take care of themselves and others. That’s an amazing accomplishment, despite what the number of followers or blog views may say.
I’m not sure if this is the end of my blog as I’m never really sure about anything, and I don’t know if I’ll adjust to this new lifestyle. But I’d consider myself a success if I could be half as good as the do it all bloggers.